How did I manage work and life?

Women wish to work, excel, and at the same time want to nurture a family and be there for their child as a mother. In other words, she desires to play many roles. When traditionally women have stayed home to build a cozy nest and nurture the future generation, why do they want to work? If they do, then how can they achieve the two desires? My attempt is to answer these two questions in this article.

The key learning or message is that charity begins at home. Women must enroll their family's and friend's support first and as women we must support women in our family, work place, and neighborhood. 

First, some key reasons women work are to, 

-meet financial needs 

-raise standard of living

-fulfill their desire to be successful via work. 

There can be a list of longer reasons. At a practical level, the ones above are some top level reasons. 

How can women manage the two desires? 

Women cannot manage it all alone. Like at a workplace, a single person cannot do all the work. For which reason there are teams.

Women need to be part of a team. The support has to come first from home, then team members, then from managers, and last via organizational policies. 

A True Story:

I have been working for over 20 years now. Many women have and this is not the point. What I want to share is how did I work and bring up a daughter, manage my home, responsibilities towards society and relatives.

Let me list these without weaving a story.

1. I did not feel guilty about my decision to work and have a family. I was aware and accepted that I will have to priortize one over the other at various points.

2. I was very clear at all times to meet my commitments both at work and home. If it meant, I have to attend my kids dance event at school, I informed my team and manager and I made sure I kept my commitment.

It is simple, if I keep my promise at work, then I have to with my daughter. I am not two different people. 

3. The most important though is that the support has to come from the family. My parents, my grandparents, my sister, all were there when I needed them. This believe me was most of the times. :)

4. My husband without his support it would never have been possible. He is the one who encouraged me to let go of the need to have it all right, a dust free house, excellent cooking, cleaning and whatever the daily clock work. The focus was my daughter and work with other priorities filtered and peppered over.

5. We both decided what are priorities were and are and accepted to focus on them rather set expectations on ourselves that drained our energy and love. I can share more about how we set our priorities, ensured we kept our attention and focus on them. 

In India, it is hard to find domestic help who can look after your kids. They are the most unreliable lot. So you need a plan b and c and d. 

But for my father who always encouraged me to work and offered his condition less support at all times in my life managing my life would have been a tougher experience. So, did my mother and my mother's mother.
My father my mother my grandmother, I have forgotten to count the number of times they have stayed over when I went for work or spiritual quest.

My support came from friends who helped me by being there for me and stand by when I needed to be away at work and my family member was ill admitted in a hospital. 

At work I always had a mix, some managers were great and supportive in giving me the flexibility and as long as my output was fine they did not penalize me. 

At the same time, I was clear at what points in life, I had to draw a line. When my daughter was 6, I quit my full time job and took up one on contract with a new setup. My condition was no calls/emails or meetings during 3 to 9. I can come back to work after my kid has gone to bed. And they respected my time. 

Believe it or not I input more hours and gave higher output but that is a separate story. 

Insight: What is important here is for women to enroll their family's and friend's support first and as women we must support women in our family, work place and neighbor hood. Do not feel less or weak in asking for help, do not juggle, let some fall, just focus on set priorities.

Women to support Women--it starts from the roots!